Estranged dad

This is something that I don’t go into a lot but I don’t actually see my dad, not just me, my sisters too. It’s kinda weird. I’ve not seen him for 7 years. Well, I have seen him, at a distance at the petrol station a couple of times.

He really fucks me off, he has only seen Alfie until his first birthday and hasn’t met any of my other children or my nieces and nephew. HIS grandchildren. It’s like, does he not even fucking care???? I know what he thinks, he thinks somehow he is in the right and that if we want to see him we will need to go and apologise to him. He was always like that.

I remember our relationship being fraught, I remember not quite liking him as he had a bad temper and I was scared of him and I was kinda happy when my mum and dad split up. He also had some very suspect views on black and Asian people, the P word was used in our house.  I used it in a story once  when I was in primary school as I didn’t realise it was a racist word, I said “I went to the paki shop” and I was taken aside by my teacher and told when it was a bad word. I was mortified, even as a 10 year old. But this is how racism continues right? As it’s taught in the home and you’re ignorant to it as a kid.  Saying that my mum never said anything like that so maybe I just went down the right path and followed her. I'd like to think so, she is a great example.

I’ve also learned since then so don’t worry, my kids will not continue the cycle.

Anyway back to what I was saying. Why doesn’t he want to see the kids?? he knows about them. I’ve often thought I’d try and reconnect with him but what for? What will I get out it? Will it then be weird? 7 years of absence, is it too much?  Will the kids even like him? Fuck knows probably not.

With his anger and temper it was bad. But annoyingly I see myself doing the same thing. I have a temper some times. And it just goes. I want to be able to control it but when it goes it goes. I don’t wanna shout. I need to stay calm. I think meditation would help. I should start it.

That’s enough of my rant. If you’ve had any of the same issues let’s chat. We might be able to help each other out.

Comments

  1. I'm in the same boat fella, my "real" dad aka sperm donor first came into my life when I was 11, and has been in and out of it for 19 years. It's normal to hear nothing for a couple years, and then out of the blue (and after a drink or twelve) he resurfaces like a solar eclipse! Truth be told, I don't feel like my children are missing out with him not being in their lives! It's the longer term questions I worry about, when my children are older, and will undoubtedly want to know who their grandad is?!

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    Replies
    1. thats exactly my thoughts too. My eldest has asked about him for years but i just deflect the question. I also say he's not very nice too.

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  2. I don’t see my ‘real’ dad either and I don’t want to. My step dad -totally weird calling him that- is just my dad. Also I was having this exact conversation with friends today about how fucked up the older generations are?! Because I could NEVER imagine being this way with my children or my siblings AT ALL. Yet there seem to be so many fall outs among family in the older generations it’s just weird?!

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    Replies
    1. i know i find that strange too. I will ALWAYS want to see my children and I will ALWAYS be there for them. I don;t get it.

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